Hustlin’

Chris Paul vs. Ron Jeremy: An academic comparison

With the inevitable comparison between CP3 and whichever point guard you choose to fondly remember (Pre-knicks Isiah), your boy Jason has decided to take a look at someone much closer to CP3 than your point guard du jour (or Tiger).

So, for your perusal,

Chris Paul vs Ron Jeremy


Lets look at the statistics

• Both are short for their profession: CP- 6'0, RJ- 5'6
• Both play much larger than their appearance would show: CP- 11.6 apg, RJ- 9.75 in
• Neither is often seen on National TV
• Both have names comprised of two first names (Think about it, if it was Paul Christopher or Jeremy Ronald, would you notice? Actually, probably, nevermind that point)
• Both make players around them look better. You could put me beside Ron Jeremy and even I would look like Fabio out there. Similarly, even Kwame Brown would look like an All-Star next to CP3 (Okay, maybe he'd score double digits. No? FINE, he'd get playing time? This list is falling apart faster than the Spurs)
• Before they got famous, both had to resort to something dirty to get recognition. Paul Christopher for his Tony-Skinn-esque love-tap to Julius Hodge, and Jeremy Ronald for his auto fellatio. I'm not even going to give you a link to either, because frankly nothing anyone can tell me will convince me to link to auto fellatio, and for my money, Chris Paul owes Tony Skinn royalties for the balltap. DID YOU GET TO THE FINAL FOUR PAUL CHRISTOPHER???
  
• Both have been the elite in their industry without the ultimate recognition. Paul Christopher is going to get 2nd in the MVPIAMMM (Most Valuable Player In A Major Media Market), while Jeremy Ronald had a four year run in the 80's in which he only took home the AVN award for best supporting actor. In other news, anyone with tickets to the AVN's please contact MrJasonGaines AT gmail DOT com.
• If you combine the two, you'll have Ron Paul, libertarian hero of young men living in their parents basement everywhere. Actually, if you think about it, avid sports blog readers or pornography perusers most likely live in their parents basement anyways.

So there you have it, the scientifically researched, peer reviewed, totally bullet, earthquake, and Bruce Bowen proof theory that Chris Paul is not the next coming of Isiah, Tiger (what?), or Smush Parker. Any complaints can be sent to MrJasonGaines@Gmail.com







Splash.

Pep Talks

"Everybody wants sunshine, that's not always pleasant. Too much sun and no rain forms a desert." - Papoose

Lately I've had a few conversations with people about motivation and needing someone to say something to them to help pick them up. I often reply with some lame speech I've given a thousand times, probably comprised of bits and pieces of things I've heard older people in my life say and things I've seen in movies. The truth is you're the only one that you can truly control how you feel. If you sleep in all day and you don't feel like getting up to take a shower and get yourself moving then that's an internal question you need to address.

Another thing I've noticed a lot of my peers doing lately is complaining (me in included) about how something didn't go right or how the outcome you were expecting didn't happen. This generation has turned in people that make excuses and are self-pitying, Sure its natural to feel down once in a while, but if you're constantly complaining about how the chips aren't falling your way. Maybe you're the reason its happening.

Every healthy person needs to go through good and bad times. Its all relative. This is cliche (but the truth). If you never experience failure, you'll never be able to understand the value of success. Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team. (Ok that's not entirely true, but its a joke I use to have with people because every year at basketball tryouts no matter who the coach was they'd tell that story). The older I get the more I realize that situations good and bad are often what shape your character.

Another thing related to that is fear. Just because you've failed at something before doesn't mean that should prevent you from going for it again. (Do not use this statement when deciding whether or not to touch a frying pan.) Fear is something that is in our instincts to help us survive but it also screws up our decision making process often because we allow a feeling of failure to prevent us from doing what we want. Ok enough of me preaching. I'm going to go out and do something with my life today.

Chris Paul Blog Day!

Gaines Family Blog is proud to be a part of At The Hive's Chris Paul Blog Day, a celebration of the utter rediculosity that is CP3. We'll have one (or more) articles from the Gaines fam on May 6th, but we'll start with this, to get you warmed up:



In other news, I'm going to focus on DC sports for a while, including the impending, heartbreaking, and utterly typical Game 7 overtime (LeBitch) James buzzer beater. Hey, it wouldn't be DC without it! You'll still get your fix of angry rants, bad rap music, absentee bloggers (Jeremy), and promises of increased posting and better content.

Rant

The opinions expressed here are those of Freddy Gaines and do not necessarily reflect the positions of gainesfamilyblog.com

1. Stop replacing "s" with "z" in the spelling of words. (i.e. wordz)
2. What's the deal with people drinking out of a can with a straw?
3. How many more music videos can start with someone being awaken by a telephone call?
4. Asking people you've known for less then 20 minutes if they have a myspace page is whack.
5. I don't want to join your facebook group because you lost your phone and now you have a new number.
6. I like to constantly adjust the volume of music and the television. I wish I knew why.
7. I don't want to hear vocals using the auto-tune effect ever again.
8. Please don't text while you drive. You almost hit me earlier, thanks.
9. Nickelback is not a good rock band, but you already knew that.
10. The comedian Steven Wright is really funny. If you like Mitch Hedberg you'll probably think he's funny too.
11. It is not necessary to tell people to type "www" before the address of a web site unless they are very old and do not have any computer experience.
12. Don't take the elevator if you're only going up one floor, two is even questionable.
13. It sounds like the person that lives above me is constantly vacuuming or using a power saw. Should I be concerned?
14. I've never been to Disney World and don't react like its the craziest thing you've ever heard.
15. The media can twist anything to get viewers.

Live Blog Game 2!

me: who you got caps or wiz or both or none

Freddy: both

me: big time optimist

i'm saying

win by one

typical DC loss by the other

prolly the DC loss by the Wiz (ed. Note: Called it)

then the DC loss for the Caps in game 7 (Called the Caps win too)

me: something to watch as a former big man:

watch how much space they give ben wallace when he has the ball

or moves in the paint

redic

he's utterly not an option

me: okay

fuck ben wallace's stupid hiar

how the fuck can the cavs get this many calls

are you serious

okay 2006 miami heat

me: fk philly scored already

a;gja;wklawjafjkawjkag FUCK LEBRON

aint nobody hit him in the mouth

OKAY MANU LEBRONOBILI

fk fk fk wow lebron

Freddy: i hate f-ing hate that guy

me: fucking hell how can the caps not just not score but also look like shit

on a power play

Freddy: lol

fuck hockey

me: aint nobody took no shots

bitches just skated around

fucking white people sport

Freddy: brb

me: hang on

i've got something for you to read

http://whitepresident.blogspot.com/2008/04/top-10-ways-to-foul-lebron-james.html

Freddy: wtf

me: wow magic is FAT

hahaahah

he and charles

over under 550 pounds between the two

i'm gonna say over

faaar over

Freddy: hahha

yeah probably

me: when i get rich i'm going to get someone to stretch me out

before everything

big board meeting

i'll be the guy on the ground in the suit

getting streched out

Some time later...

me: goddammit i don't care how good i was, if i was 7foot tall, I'd learn to shoot and be in the nba

Freddy: yeah man

me: i guess this was the team they envisioned when they made those trades

they look good

Freddy: "anyone can taunt when you're winning"

me: "he was standing above me in a very disrespectful manner"

Freddy: yes reggie, there is a time and a place

me: the time was when reggie could score 11 points in 15 seconds

Freddy: i really hate the cavs

lebron's not getting invited to my birthday party

me: i'm surprised the referee had the whistle in his mouth at all during that play

Freddy: "i love these hard......fouls" - reggie miller

me: so drinking game: every time reggie says 'hard foul' we take a shot

me: who's beard you got

alex ovechkin or deshawn stevenson

Freddy: stevenson...he reminds me of myself, talking shit when you're losing

me: aww lebron cut his wittle arm

haywood'll be suspended for that

Freddy: stern just called down to the refs

he didn't even touch him

Freddy: its the gold uniforms

me: i hate those fucking things, we look like we're wearing bad all-star jerseys from 1995

me: mike brown looks like a lounge singer

Freddy: fuck

me: if he ever gets a point guard, noone's stopping him

Freddy: wallace taking a charge? are you serious america?

this video is ridic

i'm sure you've seen it

but watch it all the way through

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnGRqW17JVA

me: jesus i leave and its 21 points???

Freddy: no comment

me: did someone replace antawn jamison with kwame brown??

Freddy: naw kwame plays for the lakers and he plays good

me: hahaha

at least caps are 3 -2

Freddy: lebron's over rated

me: why is gilbert still out there?

and why is wally rebounding

Freddy: maybe his knee will break

someone tell bulter we're down by 25

me: rule #2: think about fouling lebron james

hhheeesus 86-63

lebron's gettin a triple double

Freddy: i'm speechless

me: i think that AC and Joe scudda have a trademark on that... white guy/baseball hat/ half 'stache/ 'not saying i'm black but you get the idea' theme

Freddy: did you get the whole theme of the video

Freddy: they kidnapped kanye and put him in a trunk

and then it ends with his video

me: no way

is that kanye?

Freddy: naw, its a look a like

me: oh

well thats creative

good points for them

Freddy: that's why i sent it to you

its funny as shit

me: well hell

let me rewatch it

Freddy: word

me: well at least someone is doing something creative with their gifts

(sharp look over at caron butler)

me: ain't even worth watching anymore

i'm switchin to the cav/s

i mean

the caps

woahhh there freud

Freddy: arenas need to spend less time blogging and more time hobbling is gimp-ass around the court practicing

me: i can't quit you wizards

(switching back)

Freddy: (watches trapped on an island for the 4th time)

me: i'm trapped on an island

the natives are named lebron and wally

me: we're going to lose anywaysc

can someone hard foul him please?

Freddy: haywood did

lol

look at what happened

me: i guess

Freddy: *signs off, never to be heard of again

me: kind of like the wizards in the playoffs

Freddy: true....story

aight man

i'm gonna go take a shower with my toaster

peace

Who the hell is this emailing me at 11:26?